Disclaimer: It has come to my attention that not everyone who reads this enchanting article will realize that you should not, in fact, eat wild unidentified mushrooms. You shouldn’t really even touch them if you don’t know what they are. I mean, I can’t really stop you, but at least now that I’ve written this mandatory disclaimer I can say I tried.
‘Twas the summer of 2020 when I, Elise V. Kelly, PhD (PHungus iDentifier), came across my first bread-looking mushroom. I was traversing the woods of Oregonia, Ohio when I saw what appeared to be a perfectly cooked piece of pita bread on the forest floor. Of course, I immediately took a photo, wondering why such a carby delicacy had determined its residence just below the midwestern understorey. It was then I began my bread and/or mushroom identification and foraging journey.
The flatbread variety have been the most common, their populations stretching from the greater Dayton area to our own Great Barrington. Below, I have included shots of the tortilla type, pita persuasion, and garlic naan genre.
But not all mushrooms resemble unleavened bread. Some of them have an uncanny similarity to soup dumplings.
In addition to my search for mushrooms better than sliced bread, I found this guy. Sure, it’s no hamburger bun, but I did have the sudden urge to clamp it between both of my hands like a sandwich then eat the whole thing in five bites, so it’s making it into the article.
And with that, all prospects of my mushroom identification career have been terminated; please don’t tell Donald—or do. Maybe he can give us the actual names of these things. Anyway, I leave you with a literal English muffin I found on the ground. Yes, I did originally think it was a mushroom, and I’m sure you would have too.
Elise is a junior at Simon's Rock and The Weekly Cad's President and Director of Creative Publications.