An Open Letter to Chartwell

Dearest Chartwell,

Who are you?
You sentient AI,
birthed by the brain of Michelle Obama
army leader
food processor
but who are you?

What are you like?
Are you
the type of guy I could sit down and drink coffee with?
Would you prefer roller skating?
Do you have legs to roller skate?
Or a mouth to drink out of?

If you do have a mouth,
why?
Why have you chosen a food company to conceal
your evil schemes?
I’m sure you don’t need to eat. 
You used to be into healthy initiatives,
but Chartwells has long since
passed that one by.

Why isn't there more French toast?
I would like French toast every day of the week,
please.
Breakfast only is fine,
but adding it to lunch and dinner
would be cool too.

Is Michelle Obama nice?
Do you two still talk?
I know she’s in a desert vault,
but you could keep her company
from time to time.

And I get it,
Spanish is hard
You could learn if you really wanted to

You probably don’t care enough
Too busy taking over the world
with your Army of Darkness.

Most kindly,
Elise

Elise Kelly

Elise is the Vice-President and Director of Creative Publications of The Weekly Cad.