The Weekly Cad
  • Home
  • NEW
  • ARTICLES
    • New Students
    • Campus Life >
      • Events
      • Campus Politics
      • Clubs
      • How to Survive Simon’s Rock >
        • Classes Reviewed Honestly >
          • Professor Interviews
    • Real World >
      • Reviews >
        • Media
        • Great Barrington
        • Dog of the Month
    • Humor and Satire
    • Creative Writing
  • Simon Says
  • Get Involved
  • Team

Humor and Satire
Don't take it seriously

An Open Letter to Chartwell

12/9/2018

0 Comments

 
Dearest Chartwell,
Who are you?
You sentient AI,
birthed by the brain of Michelle Obama
army leader
food processor
but who are you?

What are you like?
Are you
the type of guy I could sit down and drink coffee with?
Would you prefer roller skating?
Do you have legs to roller skate?
Or a mouth to drink out of?

If you do have a mouth,
why?
Why have you chosen a food company to conceal
your evil schemes?
I’m sure you don’t need to eat. 
You used to be into healthy initiatives,
but Chartwells has long since
passed that one by.

Why isn't there more French toast?
I would like French toast every day of the week,
please.
Breakfast only is fine,
but adding it to lunch and dinner
would be cool too.

Is Michelle Obama nice?
Do you two still talk?
I know she’s in a desert vault,
but you could keep her company
from time to time.

And I get it,
Spanish is hard
You could learn if you really wanted to

You probably don’t care enough
Too busy taking over the world
with your Army of Darkness.

Most kindly,
Elise

Elise Kelly

Elise is the Vice-President and Director of Creative Publications of The Weekly Cad.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    How did the Cad come to be? Click below to find out...
    History of The Cad

    Archives

    October 2020
    September 2020
    September 2019
    August 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • NEW
  • ARTICLES
    • New Students
    • Campus Life >
      • Events
      • Campus Politics
      • Clubs
      • How to Survive Simon’s Rock >
        • Classes Reviewed Honestly >
          • Professor Interviews
    • Real World >
      • Reviews >
        • Media
        • Great Barrington
        • Dog of the Month
    • Humor and Satire
    • Creative Writing
  • Simon Says
  • Get Involved
  • Team