5 PRANKS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN TOILET PAPERING THE CAMPUS

A truly marvelous display of humor, considerateness, and intelligence was shown this past April Fools when large sections of campus, including trees and memorials, were TP’d by an anonymous hooligan. This jape undoubtedly left those designated to clean it up chuckling to themselves whilst perched in a tree armed with only a pole and their wits against the blistering wind. The gag even led to ACE opportunities for desperate students, leaving everyone involved better off than they were before. My question is: why stop there when there are even better pranks out there? Therefore, I have compiled a list of 5 pranks that would have been better than papering the trees.​

1. The Heat Death of the Universe: What variety of zany jab is superior to the gradual fading of all life in the universe? Any well-humored friend will laugh when they learn of the great decay going on all around them, imperceptible and intangible to their limited perception and mind yet looming in the background, like a dark cloud in the distance. 
2. A Tender Conversation with a Loved One: There is no better prank than making someone you care about feel good. In the spirit of April Fools, try pranking a loved one with a display of your affection, be they a partner, mother, father, guardian, or even just a close friend. The air is cleared, bonds strengthen, and a chuckle is had with no detriment.
3. Global Warming: Nothing is funnier than a sleeping friend, waking, blind from smog, in a frenzied panic from the scent of melting plastic and sulfurous water. They’ll howl even harder when you slap them right across the face with a suffocating, plastic-stuffed fish while wearing a spooky gasmask. Afterwards, the two of you can simply coast through the oily floodwater to the nearest water trader, being careful to avoid the ruins jutting out from the toxic depths below.
4. Doing Your Work: A fantastic jest to pull on your professor is to surprise them by actually doing your work, and doing it well to boot. The look on their faces will be priceless when you hand in your paper on time, not to mention their chortling when they realize it’s an A+ paper as well. This prank is even mutually beneficial!
5. Summoning a Great Old One: The whole campus will lose their minds when an unearthly abomination of gaping maws and leering eyes arises from the Earth and begins wreaking havoc upon the rent world below as if it were an insignificant speck of dust. If you’re willing to put in the work, you could even pull the zany gag of spontaneous nonexistence on them! Hilarious, right?

Here are a few ideas far superior to TPing the trees to kickstart your future comedic endeavors. Simply, make sure that no one is harmed or severely inconvenienced by your antics, avoiding what would happen if one draped paper towels over the bushes or something of the sort, for example. Then again, who would think to play such a mediocre prank?

Angus Finn MacLeod

Angus is The Weekly Cad's Director of Humor and Opinions.