Whiny Songs for Whiny Boys

Last semester I compiled a playlist of angry songs for angry girls. This is because angry girl songs happen to be my ideal type of music—that is, when paired with whiny boy ones. Since I think the two moods foil so nicely, I have decided to put together a companion playlist to the previous one, filled with my top picks of songs written by boys who are crying. The playlist can be found here.

1. “Ghosting” by Mother Mother: While the lyrics of “Ghosting” actually take the listener through a journey of healthy acceptance, the song’s superficial tone is bitter and desperate. There’s nothing more masculinely whiny than hating your ex for not letting you haunt them, and I absolutely live for it.
   
2. “Waiting Out the Night” by Dylan Alley: Dylan Alley is a local San Antonio artist whom I have been following since I was sixteen. I’ve watched him perform the same four songs over and over again at countless venues, and I wonder if he will ever turn the Werewolf EP into an album. Alley’s voice in “Waiting Out the Night” is so pitiful that his lyrics become incomprehensible. The man is truly a whine connoisseur.
   
3. “Heather” by Conan Gray: What would a sad man playlist be without a quintessential tune of heartfelt longing? I’m sure we’ve all seen the loves of our lives off with someone who isn’t us, so I expect every single one of you to scream “I wish I were Heather!” with me.
   
4. “Oh Klahoma” by Jack Stauber: While the primary figure whining in this song is the “saddest little baby in the room,” the singer is so empathetically involved with them that they too begin to pout. This song encourages its listeners to appropriate the sadness of others, and make every situation about yourself. It’s like a whiny boy’s handbook!
   
5. “Maud Gone” by Car Seat Headrest: If you’re an indie kid like me, the first guy who came to mind when I mentioned “whiny boys” was probably Will Toledo of Car Seat Headrest. Really, you could pick any of his songs at random and it would fit into this playlist, but “Maud Gone” holds a special place in my heart. Toledo’s MO seems to rely on his pathetic whininess, but “Maud Gone” holds a sorrow unique to this track.
   
6. “Death Cup” by Mom Jeans.: We have now come to the very song that inspired this playlist. “Death Cup” reminds me of my most beseeching ex, so it’s honestly a surprise I still listen to it. That being said, it’s a great song for those of you who got ruthlessly dumped after you decided to talk about your problems. I mean, who can blame you for your fear of communication and trust issues?
   
7. “High Definition” by Waterparks: One of the sassier numbers on this list, Waterparks provides an alternative to the lovelorn whiny boy. Perhaps you need a reason to complain, yet you really aren’t mourning the loss of anyone. Mourn the loss of that loss! Even you, healthy one, have the right to whine!
   
8. “Peach Scone” by Hobo Johnson: Sometimes you’re so depressed you can’t even bring yourself to sing, which seems to be the case for Hobo Johnson. Though one could make the argument that “Peach Scone” is a rap, I personally take it as a spoken word stream of consciousness set to a riff. If you were yelling “I wish I were Heather!” I bet you’ll find yourself confessing your “love to… scones!”
   
9. “Dennis” by Roy Blair: Tonally, “Dennis” is a bit different from the rest of the songs on the playlist. I could even imagine myself on a romantic road trip to the soundtrack of “Dennis - Instrumental,” but there’s something so perfectly fueled by existential angst in the line “On the second day God made me / On the second day maybe God was lazy” that is giving Roy Blair his spot in this compilation. With this line, Blair posits he was destined by a higher power to whine—truly the revolutionary spirit we need.
   
10. “shower song” by fredo disco: This final pick is perhaps the only song on this playlist which is actually warranted in its pouting. She “fucked some other dude” and fredo disco is just bitter. His ex is busy finding God and getting “all beginnings while [he’s] left with ends / that [he] didn’t want.” There’s nothing to do but “just move on” and, of course, whine.
    

While I will never stop giving men flak for their petty troubles, there’s a certain necessity to being lame now and again. “Whiny Songs for Whiny Boys” was made to take you to a space where anyone is allowed to feel sorry, even without good reason. You can’t control your feelings, so you might as well lean in to them. Go forth. Be whiny. Yell at your dad, then cry under a weighted blanket. Who cares? Not me, not the girl, not your dad, and definitely not the world. It’s you. You’re the only one. So treat yourself and care. You deserve it.

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Author

Elise Kelly is a junior at Simon's Rock and The Weekly Cad's Editor in Chief and Director of Creative Publications. ​