Following in the footsteps of the esteemed Elise Kelly, The Weekly Cad finds its next Editor-in-Chief in rising junior and current Vice Editor-in-Chief, Elizabeth Selberg. When approached for questioning, Selberg denied to comment, but a history of mediocre articles provides a promising outlook for the future of The Cad.
Despite three failed attempts to escape Bard College at Simon’s Rock, Kelly remains hopeful regarding her study abroad plans for the fall, saying, “Borders are open and so are vaccine clinics, so I am optimistic.”
In wake of Kelly’s departure to Seville, Spain, The Weekly Cad will continue to function, although perhaps without the same degree of reckless literary abandon which has so long fueled the Humor and Satire column. To make up for this loss, The Weekly Cad hopes to showcase new writers’ work and expand past its current horizons into uncharted territory—that being pieces which are actually funny.
Kelly’s final words to readers have about the same level of enthusiasm as the Simon’s Rock Football Team. Yet, with slightly stronger wording, saying at one point “I have been carrying this newspaper for so long I’ve developed scoliosis.”
Here’s to hoping that Selberg’s school-provided Blueshield Bluecross health insurance covers chiropractic visits, and that The Cad ‘submit’ button finally gets more action than anti-vaxers will this break. Enjoy your summer vacation and prepare for an epic comeback this fall by your favorite publication: The Weekly Cad.
Elizabeth "El" Selberg is a sophomore at Simon's Rock and the Vice Editor in Chief of The Weekly Cad.